Spitting on birds

So this is something I wrote at the end of April, about a month ago and then got too lazy to post/edit it. So that's why it talks about being April, even though it is, in fact, May.

4/20 day of crazy surprises and awesomeness

Oh my god! I just spit on a bird. NOT ON PURPOSE! It was amazing. I still feel giddy I have like 1,000 butterflies in my stomach!

Okay so I am taking Radley out to pee and I am standing all grumpy with my arms crossed because its cold and its April and April+Colorado USUALLY = WARM AND SUNNY but today it doesn’t and I looked up the weather and it’s supposed to be shitty all week …

In Colorado shitty means 30% chance of rain and 50-58 degrees all week till SUNDAY and it’s TUESDAY. I can’t handle this many shitty days in a row... but then! All of a sudden in my grumpy arm crossing stance I spit

And HOLY SHIT

A bird swoops by right in front of me, and my huge wad of spit just happens to land on the bird. At this point for some reason I feel a sense of weightlessness. (Maybe because of the extra amount of weight i put onto the bird?)   

I mean that HAS to fuck with his flying skills for a second.  Imagine you are flying around and someone drops a big casserole on top of you.. a big 9x11 inch pan of lasagna. I'm not sure why lasagna but i feel this would be an equivalent amount of weight ratio wise. All of a sudden you would be like... FUCK! Why all of a sudden am i flying out of control and veering towards the ground in almost absolute death.... you would have to be pumping super hard to keep your height above the ground (unless you happen to be a bird that's big on weight lifting, workin on flying with weights to be the fastest and best flying bird out there. I think that's the kind of bird I would be. If I had been that bird and someone spit on me I would be like "YES! all my hard work and training has paid off for this one day, when I got spit on and I raged that extra weight, I was like FUCK YOU SPIT I fly where I want!" (Yikes, I sound like a roided out bird.)   Anyways the bird I spit must have been a weight lifter because he/she didn't wipe out (unfortunately.. that would have been HILARIOUS.) but dipped down a little and then quickly recovered. Very anticlimactic.

Now you all may be thinking…there’s no way she actually spit on a flying bird! But I assure you! I DID! I even searched around the ground for my spit for like 20 minutes trying to find it because I couldn’t believe it myself but I DID!

So anyways I feel like I am pretty much a natural wonder. This is one of those things that only happens like once a lifetime, if you are lucky. No biggie I'm basically like the eighth wonder of the world (see below)...

Click to enlarge!