There was once a time when my teeth were invincible.
As a child I rarely brushed, by rarely I mean MAYBE once per day, if I was lucky. I would often go a few days without brushing at all, just wiping my teeth with the inside of my shirt if they felt dirty. These habits were just reinforced by my dentist office visits. The dentists would say... “My! What beautiful teeth you have!” They would floss and ask me if I was flossing regularly, with a mouth full of blood I would say… “Well, not EVERY night…” I would walk away every 6 months with squeaky clean teeth and no cavities. This wreckless way of life continued all throughout high school.
As a child I rarely brushed, by rarely I mean MAYBE once per day, if I was lucky. I would often go a few days without brushing at all, just wiping my teeth with the inside of my shirt if they felt dirty. These habits were just reinforced by my dentist office visits. The dentists would say... “My! What beautiful teeth you have!” They would floss and ask me if I was flossing regularly, with a mouth full of blood I would say… “Well, not EVERY night…” I would walk away every 6 months with squeaky clean teeth and no cavities. This wreckless way of life continued all throughout high school.
Before I go any further I think I should be honest and let everyone know that I am absolutely addicted to candy and sweets. Not even a little bit. I fucking LOVE them. My mother gives me a big bag of starburst jellybeans every year for Easter and if it lasts for more than a day I am impressed. That is 275 grams of sugar…all in a day. I am equally addicted to Raisinets (really anything chocolate) Charleston Chews, and almost all types of ice cream but give me a pint of Cherry Garcia and it’s gone within an hour. It's my biggest weakness, I don't even try to deny it. I need some kind of dessert after every meal. I have convinced myself that this is normal so at this point a few mini Milky Ways after lunch is very normal.
So now that you have a good idea of the main part of my diet I want to continue telling you about the dentists. I went to the dentist for about 3 of my 5 years of college. I evetually stopped going because I kept walking out of there without cavities and decided it was a waste of my time... and I had better things to do. My teeth brushing habits stayed about the same as they had my whole life… once a day if I was lucky, maybe flossing once a month when I was feeling really ambitious. After graduating I got a real life job and health insurance but still stayed away from the dentist. After 2 years of shitty ‘real life job’ I decided I was going to quit and I better take advantage of all the health insurance I had been paying for… So I went to the dentist.
I get there and she starts looking at my teeth.., asking questions about my flossing regiment. I tell her... I floss here and there. I am so fucking cocky, laughing and joking with the lady dentist. I don't even think about the way she is looking at me while I am joking around. She is looking into my mouth like she is ... frightened. I mean I expect her to tell me; “Yeah I can tell because they are bleeding.” Or something like that but instead she says… Yeah I can tell….. Youuuu’ve got some cavities. “
“Really? I have never had any! How many!?”
I almost say it all excited like.. Sweet!!! I have always WANTED one of those!!! ALl my friends had them and I was always feeling left out!
I almost say it all excited like.. Sweet!!! I have always WANTED one of those!!! ALl my friends had them and I was always feeling left out!
She pauses… for a long time… I am expecting a one, or even a 2 at this point , she finally responds… “About Fifteen, but there are multiple cavities on the surfaces of your teeth.”
So technically more than 15...
Holy shit I am in shock.
Once the shock wears off and I have made my two appointments for my fillings I start to get angry.
...Fuck my dentist, that asshole… Why didn’t he tell me the most common place to get cavities was in between your teeth!? I hate him! It wasn’t my parents fault…I lied to them! My poor innocent parents! I told them I brushed, and flossed. The dentist could clearly see that I had not been flossing! It's his responsibility to call children out on this shit! But instead of telling me... hey you are going to get tons of cavities in between your teeth if you don’t floss he said… “Well it’s very important.” Important?! THat means nothing to a child. You know what was important to me as a child? My troll amusement park I made in my attic out of old cartons of milk. THAT SHIT was important.
Once the shock wears off and I have made my two appointments for my fillings I start to get angry.
...Fuck my dentist, that asshole… Why didn’t he tell me the most common place to get cavities was in between your teeth!? I hate him! It wasn’t my parents fault…I lied to them! My poor innocent parents! I told them I brushed, and flossed. The dentist could clearly see that I had not been flossing! It's his responsibility to call children out on this shit! But instead of telling me... hey you are going to get tons of cavities in between your teeth if you don’t floss he said… “Well it’s very important.” Important?! THat means nothing to a child. You know what was important to me as a child? My troll amusement park I made in my attic out of old cartons of milk. THAT SHIT was important.
So BECAUSE I never had a cavity before I didn't know the implied time and pain...I was overly ambitious and scheduled to take care of all 15 cavities in 2 days. The first day was.. in a word… hellish. 6 hours of my mouth pryed open with metal and plastic... wide awake listening to them drill. Talking with one another saying things like... "uh oh" and "look at this one"
I AM RIGHT HERE!!!! I CAN HEAR YOU I CAN”T TALK BECAUSE OF ALL THIS SHIT IN MY MOUTH BUT I STILL HAVE EARS!!!
Day 2 is equally hellish- this time it only takes 5 hours but they put in the wrong novicane...
Twice..
The kind that wears off in 10 minutes… why the fuck would they even have this type of novicane handy for a person who is getting the remaining 7 cavities filled all at once!?!?!?!
Alas I am no longer the non-brusher that has no cavities. I no longer act like a caveman wiping my teeth on fabric as a substitute to brushing. I floss almost every day like normal people and even rinse out my mouth with mouthwash sometimes. It sucks and it’s time consuming and I hate it.
Twice..
The kind that wears off in 10 minutes… why the fuck would they even have this type of novicane handy for a person who is getting the remaining 7 cavities filled all at once!?!?!?!
Alas I am no longer the non-brusher that has no cavities. I no longer act like a caveman wiping my teeth on fabric as a substitute to brushing. I floss almost every day like normal people and even rinse out my mouth with mouthwash sometimes. It sucks and it’s time consuming and I hate it.
The worst is that I feel bad eating candy. Well I started off feeling bad, like morally, but I got over it (My love for candy is stronger than morals or dentist bills.) But now my teeth actually hurt. Like every time I eat some kind of candy my teeth start getting angry with me. They are trying to punish me for not being strong enough to turn down the sugar. Their yelling feels like nagging pain. My teeth are like little siblings that are too young for me to bond with yet. Come play TAGGGG WITH MEEEE, come play HOOUUUSEEE with me, when all I want to do is sit on my ass.
Anyways there is no fucking WAY I am going back to the dentist, plus I don’t have dental insurance. So even though that whole experience totally blew and now I will forever be scared when I eat candy (but not scared enough to stop) the whole thing was very eye opening. I am still convinced that either I need bionic teeth or one day I will not even be able to eat the most simplest of sugars like jam on toast, but at least I had insurance! 250 bucks for 15 cavities. Boo yah.
Anyways there is no fucking WAY I am going back to the dentist, plus I don’t have dental insurance. So even though that whole experience totally blew and now I will forever be scared when I eat candy (but not scared enough to stop) the whole thing was very eye opening. I am still convinced that either I need bionic teeth or one day I will not even be able to eat the most simplest of sugars like jam on toast, but at least I had insurance! 250 bucks for 15 cavities. Boo yah.
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