This lady is bat shit crazy.

I work at a cafe inside of a gym and there are a lot of crazies that come into the gym in general but there is one lady that is completely off her rocker. Unfortunately this lady WORKS at the gym at the front counter and her shift overlaps mine each morning.
I should preface this with the fact that the layout of the gym is super odd. Essentially where I stand and my counter faces the front counter of the gym. So although we are about 50 feet apart we are almost facing one another at all times. Which is odd in itself because we are just facing catching one anothers glare all morning. Thank goodness the other day I moved a clothes rack over a bit so it is right in between us. Helping me from exploding from ultimate frustration.
At first I just thought she was a friendly older lady, she would come over to my area after going to the bathroom and say things like
"Yeah thursdays are always slow" and I would be like "Yeah"
I only started to realize her weirdness in the last month or so when she still says the EXACT SAME SHIT TO ME every morning, and I have been working here for 4 months.
We will bypass the fact that I just noticed and that it took me 2-3 months to do so.
They consist of the three following phrases...

"I would watch out in the bathroom, looks like you are running low on TP, there is more TP right under your storage cabinets" .. I know... they are my fucking storage cabinets.

"Thursdays are really slow"
Yes lady, I know Thursdays are slow.

and the always and forever famous
"What are the specials today?"
This one is particularly funny because it varies each day depending on the special.....
"Is the special banana bread?"
"Yup.. thats the sign I put up this morning" WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS?

Or my favorite from the other day...
"I brought over the Salad special sign"
"Okay"
"So you can put up a new one now.. Salad seemed like a special that would be good for Sunday and now it's Monday so..."

So.... You thought you would take it down because people don't like salads on Mondays?
I am confused.


This morning she comes over (at 7 am) and says, "pretty slow over here this morning huh?"
(this is what I say in my head... IT'S ALWAYS SLOW OVER HERE! In fact it has never been "fast" or "busy" or whatever. This "slowness" is no different than any other time I work here whether it be at noon or 8pm. Leave me alone lady I have not had my caffeine kick in yet and if you would like to make conversation with me think of SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY!)
but what I really say is...
"Well yeah, it's still pretty early..."
"Well a lot of people aren't coming in as early... all the teachers aren't coming in before they teach now they are sleeping in a bit and coming in around 9."

I am so fucking confused... Like we have a gym just for teachers? Like the amount of teachers that come to this gym drastically changes the business for me over at the cafe? p.s. it isn't summer break for them yet.

The other day this lady decides it is her DUTY to warn everyone that they were spraying pesticides outside. So all these people that wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to work out are leaving to go to work at 6:30AM and this lady is yelling at them as they walk out the door..

"DID YOU PARK UNDER A TREE?!?!?"
"What?"
"Did you park under a tree?"
Now the person that was 1/2 way out the door is turning around thinking what is this bat shit crazy lady talking about?
"Well they sprayed pesticides on the trees I wanted to make sure you weren't parked under a tree.."

Really? What the fuck are they gonna do about it now??
Are you going to go and wash off their car if it has been hit with some stray pesticides?
Will this person even fucking care??

So I sit at work for about an hour watching her catch people when they are 1/2 way out the door..
Did you park under a tree!?!?!

I can't yet decide if she is a form of entertainment or if she is maddening or both. I think both.

At least writing about her made me waste an hour of work...